Battle with the scale.

Hello all. I decided to make Wednesday my weigh in day, instead of Mondays. I made this change last week. I know, I'm playing a game with the scale, but weekends are usually the worse time for me, and if I slip up, then I feel like a failure if the scale doesn't give me the number that I want. Wednesday just seems like a good day to get the most accurate weight for me. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it!

I'm just starting out again on this journey and I am trying to keep all things in perspective. Weight fluctuates at different times of the day and month, and even with the salt content of food eaten. The scale doesn't know it's weigh in day, and just because the weight isn't what you want on _______ ( insert day!), doesn't mean that tomorrow the scale won't say something different. I like to think of my weight like the stock market graph. There are fluctuations up alittle, down alittle, but the important thing is the direction you want to be heading. That would be up for the stock market and down for the scale!!!

I have tried all sorts of tricks in my complicated relationship with the scale. I have a family member who has  weight to lose and she put the scale away because she said she just didn't want to know what the number was. She said she knows she is losing weight by the fit of her clothes and her bra and clothing  size is decreasing. For her this is working. So I tried that method for a month. I hid the scale. Well at the end of the month I was the same weight. I felt like had I known this sooner, maybe I could have made adjustments to my eating plan. I need to keep a check on my weight more often than that.

So I moved the scale into our other bathroom. I have to walk down the hall to get weighed and can't jump on it several times a day as was my habit in the past. I'm not perfect, but I try for only once a week. I have found if I sneak in a weight and I am down before my official weigh in day, I sometimes get alittle cocky and loosen up on my eating plan.

So today, I went into the bathroom, weighed myself and was shocked that I hadn't lost more. I picked up the scale, walked into my bathroom down the hall, got naked and weighed myself three times. It was over a pound less than when I was in the other bathroom. Same scale, different weight. All three times in my bathroom I was the same weight exactly, and I am taking that as my official weight. So it has been three weeks and I have lost 3.9 lbs. I'm not breaking any records here, but with my trip to the ranch, and alittle  more wine and carbs then I should have had over three weeks, I am happy with that. Don't mind the cat, he's 17 years old and he hides upstairs from the dogs and is amused by any activity these days. This weighing in stuff was highly entertaining to him!

The point I'm trying to make, is that we get so obsessed over weight, but we have to keep in mind that there are fluctuations occuring constantly in our body. You are losing fluids, holding onto sodium & waste material. Our bodies are contantly putting out and taking in. Ironically, my slim son weighed himself before I moved the scale, and then again when I brought it back to his bathroom, he weighed himself again and had lost 4/10 of a pound! Why does that always happen to skinny people? But even his weight changed in those fifteen minutes. Oh, and by the way, I made sure the scale was level on the tile and not wobbling on the tile seams, and it is a  fairly new digital scale.

So I am going to approach my difficult relationship with the scale just like I approach a difficult relationship with a person. Accept it for what it is, realize I can't change it, but I can change my behavior, and only visit it when I have to! Hope you day is going well. Until next time!

Thought for the day:
The scale is only one instrument used to measure our progress. Don't give it too much power or let it influence our feelings. There are many others things that show us we are headed in the right direction. Keep on that path.

Back in town!

Hello all. I'm back from my whirlwind trip to Oklahoma. In case you didn't read my previous blog post, I also follow Ree Drummond's blog, Confessions of a Pioneer Woman (www. thepioneerwoman.com). It is not a dieting blog, and most of the recipes don't fit on the BFC, but it's a great blog. Very popular too. I read it was rated on of the top 25 blogs by Time magazine. Anyway, I entered a contest on her blog and won a weekend on her ranch in Oklahoma. We were allowed to bring a guest, so I brought along my  mom. There were three winners and their guests, and cookbook author Pam Anderson and her daughter. Pam has a new book out  and the weekend was to learn some great recipes for stress free entertaining.

I was alittle worried because of the small group, and what I would eat, but I don't think it turned out too bad. I'll see how bad the damage is on Wednesday when I weigh in. We stayed at the lodge which is a guest house on the ranch. It's beautiful and was redone a few years ago. All of it was chronicled on her blog. When we arrived we were greeted with mason jar glasses of some sweet wine, fruit concoction. I sipped it, so I didn't appear rude, but boy was it sweet and syrupy tasting. My low sugar diet often makes things taste too sweet to me.Then came the homemade pizza.  I had two small squares as it was a rectangle shape. Lucklily it was also topped with arugula, chicken, fresh mozzarella and/or proscuitto, and with all the talking I really didn't have time to go back and get anymore. We were exhausted so we headed to bed. Great....eat dough and then go to sleep!!!

So morning comes, and so do the fresh homemade cinnamon rolls. These are a popular Pioneer Woman recipe and Ree made them at her house and had her daughter deliver them to us at the Lodge.They were tiny, and I had two. Again, they tasted  sweet and sugary., but were very good, warm and gooey. I didn't need anymore. When everyone woke up, her chef helper arrived and put out hard boiled eggs, cheese sticks, fruit, cereal, juices. It was great because the cheese stick and hard boiled egg were just what I needed.

The morning progressed and Pam did her cooking presentation and made us lunch. It was a wonderful salad with deviled eggs, some roasted fingerling potatoes and salmon with a wonderful fresh herb, caper topping. So fresh and healthy tasting. Lemon cookies were the dessert, and they were tiny little balls dusted with confectionary sugar. I had just one, as they passed around.Very good and just enough of a little sweet after the great lunch. Then the masseuse and manicurist came and stayed until 8 that night. We all had massages, pedicures, manicures. Of course I had my mani/pedi done right before I left, so I didn't need another, but but the massage was great. They were doing gel or regular manis, so it was a real treat for the other ladies. Rees dog Charlie ( she wrote a children's book about him) just hung out with us all day!

We all made dinner together which were recipes from Pam's new cookbook. The menu was beef carnitas with onions peppers, and a cabbage, radish slaw. The appetizer was a delish shrimp, avocado dip. I think it fit in fine with the BFC. I don't eat meat, so I had a carnita with the veggies, and sour cream in a small flour tortilla. Pam made a delicious flan for dessert and she was passing it around. I had a small

piece. It was such a delightful texture and taste. Some flans can be almost too slimey, but this was perfection.

All in all it was a fun weekend and really except for the desserts, there were no sugary or processed foods, no breads or junk food. The ingredients were fresh and seasonal and delicious. I so enjoyed all the wonderful women I spent the weekend with. I hope our paths cross again sometime!

Hope you like the photos. I'll post more on facebook! Bye for now!

OOOOk-lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain!

Howdy everyone! Getting in the spirit of things 'cause I'm headed to Oklahoma tomorrow!  I won a weekend at the guest house on Ree Drummond's (aka The Pioneer Woman) Oklahoma cattle ranch. There were three random winners and we all get to bring a guest.  I'm taking my mom Harriet. I wrote about that in a blog post May 19, 2011. I had no followers then, so no real excitement expressed by anyone.  Besides all my BFC blogs, I also like to follow the Pioneer Womans's blog. She's funny, has some good recipes (most which I can't eat...carbs and sugar prevail in these recipes!) and gives an interesting glimpses into life on a ranch. She has three books out, and a cooking series coming soon and I heard somewhere they are making a movie based on her book, "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels". Her website is http://www.thepioneerwoman.com/ if you want to check it out. I think she will be posting phots of the weekend.  This just goes to show you how a little blog can explode into something big over a few years!



So this is going to be a cooking weekend. Cookbook author Pam Anderson is coming. I like Pam's cookbooks, and my favorite one is called 'The Perfect Recipie for Losing Weight'. It's not an instructional weight loss program, but a book with some good insights as to how Pam lost over 40 lbs and some great recipes that she came up with. She was the former editor of Cook's Illustrated, and as a food and recipe inventor/tester, she often has to test several recipes a day.  She gained alot of weight over the years and figured she couldn't keep going like that and keep doing the job she loved. So she came up with a plan that worked for her, and she can still have foods that she loved, but lose weight. She also took up running, which she credits in large part to her transformation. So Pam will be there, along with one of her daughters. They have a food blog called ''Three Many Cooks". Her recipes are great too. I am looking forward to meeting her and Maggie, her daughter.



In true Philly spirit we are taking Phillies and Eagles sports stuff and Tastykakes as gifts for everyone. Many of you don't know what Tastykakes are, and it's probably better that you don't! They are delicious individually wrapped snack cakes ( peanut butter kandy kakes are my favorite) and are unique to this area. Once you try them you are hooked and many of my relatives who live in different parts of the country always beg us to bring or send some. So I have been looking at them on my kitchen table, remembering my youth when they were packed in my lunch, or summers as a child when a frozen Peanut butter kandy kake was always the best treat. Strangely enough, looking at them and the memories were enough. I wasn't really craving them. That's the most amazing thing about the BFC, cutting way back on teh sugar really does stop that roller coaster crazy sugar surges in your body and the cravings really do go away.
This is my first attempt at adding photos to my blog. I think I did okay, but need some more practice!

So I'm off to a weekend where I feel that food is going to be largely out of my control. I'm going to try and do my best and just look at it as a challenge to try and eat the BFC way. There will only be 9 of us, so it won't be easy when sitting around the table to pass things up, but I am going to try my best to stick to the plan. Just stick to the plan and no one will get hurt!!!! I'll take lots of photos and try to post them when I get back.

I want to thank you all for the great comments you made yesterday. I learned something from each one of them. If I'm to be honest, I think I do overdo the cheese and nuts, and I'm probably a little to liberal with the mayo, butter and sour cream. Going to try and be more conscious of this going forward. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Until next time!

Calories in....calories out?

Good morning friends. Checking in on a cloudy, rainy Wedneday here in Pennsylvania. My mood feels cloudy too. I weighed myself today and I'm down just alittle in my weight. So I'm feeling a bit blue about that. I guess that weekend did more damage than I thought.

A few years ago, I decided I needed more than just my regular gyn annual check up. I was feeling tired all the time, my skin was breaking out, my hair changed from soft and fine, to coarse and somewhat frizzy. I had no energy and I had gained a few pounds a year over the last several years and I found myself more overweight than I had ever been. The old 3 F's ( Forty, fat and female) had happened to me. I would get the kids on the bus in the morning and literally think about going back to bed. I never did, but it was weird to even think about it at 8 in the morning. At times I would drive to the gym and sit outside in my car, trying to get the energy to go inside. Thoughts of depression started wondering through my head. Is this what it feels like? Do I need professional help? Maybe I'm depressed I thought, but I don't have any reason to be. Was it peri-menopause? No indication of that either. I have always been high energy, probably a little hyper by some standards. I had never been this down and dragging before.

So I found a good family Dr. and made an appointment for a check up and physical. My husband is a Dr., so I never really had the need to go to anyone for the occassional sore throat or sinus infection. He took care of that.  He's not a family dr, but a specialist, and he can handle those things. I did my regular mammograms and pap smears with my gyn, so I was good in that area. But I hadn't had blood work, an EKG and a good hands on physical for as long as I could remember.

So on the day of my physical, my Dr. felt a lump (nodule) on my thyroid. She did some tests, scheduled some more blood work, and that day, my life changed going forward, for the better. My thyroid was so out of whack, and my blood levels were so off, that she started me on Synthroid ( thyroid hormone) immediately, even before I could get an appt. to see an endocrinologist. I always tell her ( my Dr.) that she changed my life that day. The difference in the way I felt on the medication was unbelievable. It was like a cloud, or fog had been lifted from me. That tired feeling went away, and I started feeling like I did many years ago.

So fast forward several years, one biopsy, and many drug dosage adjustments and here I am today. Still with the lump (we ultrasound regularly and watch for changes), still on the synthroid (dosage changes based on blood work) and still overweight.

Today I had an appointment with my endocrinologist  Dr. which lead to my choosing the post title that I did today. I never was one to get right to the point! So the nodule has grown alittle, my blood levels are off alittle and I'm about the same weight as last visit 6 months ago. I asked her if my medication and blood levels are somewhat regulated, would I be able to lose weight like everyone else. She said it can be harder for a patient with hypothyroidism to lose weight, but it is possible. "Calories in, calories out is what it comes down to" she said.  Boy have I heard that one before! She did suggest adding another thryoid drug called Cytomel, to what I am currently taking. I have been doing some reading about it, and some people have felt better, more energetic and report faster weight loss after taking it along with their Synthroid. I am going to try it and I'll see her again in three months and she will check my blood work, ultrasound and see how things are going. I know I'm not a perfect eater on the BFC, but I have changed so many habits, and I just had hoped to see more progress with my weight loss.

So my question to my fellow BFC devotees is this: Do you think calories matter on the BFC? Can you be following the 15/6  S/C daily totals and still overeat? My breakfast today was 2 slices of ezekial bread, topped with some reduced fat cheddar cheese, chia seeds and 2 poached eggs, some almond breeze and benefiber in my coffee. That was nearly 500 calories. When I'm hungry for a snack,  I grab some cheese and almonds, both high in calories. When I  track what I eat on fat secret (which I love by the way) I can measure four things. I pick sugar, carbs, fiber and calories. I noticed my calories are often nearly 2000, even when I am within the S/C range for the day. I'm wondering if I need to cut back the food to lose at the rate that some of you are losing. Let me know your thoughts! Goodbye for now!

It was the best of times! It was the worst of times!

Good afternoon everyone. I am back from a weekend with the family. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times! It was the best because all of my boys were there with one fiance and one girlfriend. We laughed alot, read on the beach, watched movies, drank a little too much, and ate alot. Those last two items lead to the worst of times part of the story.

Having everyone together was wonderful. Planning, preparing and serving all that food turned out to be a little too much for me. My boys love to eat and they like good, plentiful food. Luckily they have inherited my slim husbands genes and they don't have to watch their weight. I'm pretty sure they will stay that way because my husband still has the same size waist as when we were married and it's 31"!

I think I've told you  that I like to cook and entertain and so I did. I grilled chicken for sandwiches and panini's. Carmelized onions and peppers for the hot sausages. There was some homemade pesto, grilled shrimp and peach skewers, filet mignon wrapped in bacon, salad with fresh lettuce from my garden, pasta with fresh tomatoes and basil in olive oil and on it goes. Sure you might say there was plenty of things that I could eat. I don't eat red meat, but there was shrimp, chicken and the salad . So what went wrong?

 I had my regular BFC breakfast everyday, but then started on that slippery slope. I managed to hang on pretty well until happy hour.  Then it happened. A few crackers here with the cheese, some tortilla chips there with the homemade guacamole and salsa, a scoop of pasta with the grilled shrimp and I think you get the idea. I even let a slice (albeit very small) of cheescake ( heaven forbid!!!) inadvertently cross my lips. I swear I didn't mean for it to happen.  I really  didn't secretly plan for it to occur! I was chatting, and slicing, and serving, and I just sat down and ate it without even realizing it. I really felt like I had the sugar thing under control and I wasn't even craving it. It was just an old habit that reared it's ugly head! Serve everyone else, then serve yourself!

So Monday dawns and I say, when you know better you do better. I got right back on track and I put the past behind me. It's the only thing one can really do.  I went in the wrong direction, and I don't want to go that way. Get back on the path I tell myself, with the plan, and head towards my destination. It may take me a little more time but I want to get there and so I will. Put one foot in front of the other!

I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend. Until next time....Work hard, play nice, be kind. Go to your destiny! Fear nothing! ( except maybe pasta & tortilla chips!!)

Thought for the day:
"We have to do with the past only as we can make it useful to the present and the future" - Frederick Douglas

What's exciting me today:
*Took a long walk with Roscoe. We both needed it!
*My son helped me with my office paper work so it lightened the load.
*My pepper plant has baby peppers!
*Saw a robin enjoying the fountain in my perennial garden.
*Enjoyed watching my grown boys laughing and reading some of their handwritten elementary school stories from their keepsake boxes.

PS: Helen, where did you go? I enjoyed your blog and went to get your protein shake recipe today and you were gone. Come back!

A picture is worth a thousands words!

Good day all!  I forge on and again thank you for all your positive comments. Checking in on a daily basis really helps me. Had a few rocky days where I didn't plan well, but I hope it hasn't derailed me too much and as another day dawns, I start fresh.

You know when I was searching the thousands of photos of have stored on my computer, and trying to find a good one of me for this blog, I was having the darndest time finding one I liked, one that made me look "good", or at least my version of good. This one made my neck look wrinkled, that one made my face look puffy, or God forbid, this one made me look pregnant (or wait maybe that was just the shirt I tell myself!). Hundreds of photos and very few made me happy.

People used to always tell me, way back in the day, that I always took a nice photo. I think I was just lucky, but I did have some nice shots of me with family and friends, at weddings and picnics. What happened?  I can't blame it on the cameras. They have gotten better over the years and capture eveything in digital clarity. Can I blame it on the photographer? Are they supposed to tell me, step aside Pattie, you won't look good in this one! Who would do that? So I can only say that what you see is what you get. I look the way I do, because I look the way I do. If I'm not happy about it, a better camera, more cooperative photographer or even artful editing ( I'll just cut the photo off at my neck!) isn't going to give me the photo I want.

Three years ago, my mother lost over 40 pounds on weight watchers. It worked for her and she has kept it off. I have my desktop computer in my office on screen saver. It flashes through my photos and  many moments in my life. I see a happy vacation to Italy with a large family group, pictures of birthdays, weddings, and graduations and just everyday glimpses of wonderful family memories. However, time and time again, I see photos of my Mom pop up at her larger weight. I can't believe it's her. She looks soooooo much better now, younger, happier more vibrant. It never fails that when I see a former photo of her, my mind has a hard time remembering her that way. In three years my memory and perception have changed so much. She seems so tiny now. Where her wrists always that small? Didn't she always have big boobs? So much has changed about her, and for the better. She's happier too. I see lots of great photos of here beaming with her family.

So from here on in, I want every picture of me to look better than the one before. This will be another bonus benefit of losing weight, and I won't feel embarrased to see myself on someone elses facebook wall or screensaver. When my son walks down the aisle to get married next July, I am going to seek out that photographer and get some wonderful family shots that I can be proud to be seen in. Ready, set, smile!

Have a great rest of the week everyone. I'm heading to the Jersey shore early Friday ( no, not the 'Snooky' and 'Situation' Jersey shore. Our town is  very small and much quieter!) so I may not get to post until Monday. There may be no time with all the reading, dozing and relaxing I'm planning to do on the beach! All of my boys will be down, along with one fiancee and one lovely girlfriend. It will be the last time I see my oldest until August as he is leaving next weekend to continue his internship in Chicago. He has been in New York the last three weeks, so thankfully trains run between New York and where we are.  Planning to cook alot this weekend, and although all the boys in my house, including my husband, are long and lean, they all try to eat healthfully and work out. Planning on grilling lots of goodies that we can all enjoy.

Goodbye for now. Work hard, play nice. Go to your destiny! Fear nothing! ( not even the cameras!)

Thought for the day:
"Picture" yourself in a better place and at your ideal weight!

What's exciting me today:
*Had a good time out out with friends  last night. It's usually sushi Wednesday, but we're switching it up this week and going for tapas Thursday. Lots of small plate choices so I can follow the BFC and I promise no paella this time!
*My gardens are beautiful and dewy this morning after a long rainfall last night. So pretty and fresh. Picked lettuce and herbs this morning for the weekend.
*Getting away for the weekend to see the ocean and smell the salt air!

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

Good afternoon everyone. I hope wherever you are the weather is as beautiful as it is here. I've had a hectic day today, but I really want to try and write something everyday if I can. I have so many thoughts in my head, and this is a great place to let them flow freely.

I know I've told you how so many of you BFC bloggers inspire me and give me new ideas. Ideas about what to do, how to think, how to act and of course how to eat! I am trying to glean as much of this advice and ideas, and incorporate them into my life. I am paying attention to what you are doing right and trying to imitate that.

 Today Helen, on her blog, took alot of time to fill me in on a few things that her other followers already knew about her routine. She explained cardio on autopilot and her breakfast shake and I just know she will tell me what glok means soon! Rosalie has shared so much information and Katy, Dawn, Kay have inspired me too. Forgive me if I miss anyone. I am so appreciative for all the advice, kind words, genuine caring that I am feeling through this blog and your own blogs. It's a beautiful thing when strangers can reach out and help others, lend support and show concern. Okay, I'm getting sappy now, but I mean it.

I started thinking today about why every magazine cover, every diet book, or television show about dieting features real people to make their point. It's not just the nutritionist or book author giving you their plan for success, they always feature real people too.  It means something more to me when I see a real person featured with their story, because now everything is believable and real. When an ordinary person  changes their life, you realize that you can too. ( and ladies you are anything but ordinary, but I mean non celebrity or movie star when speaking here) . Jorge can write all the books he wants, but seeing his plan working in the lives of real people is what really sells me on the BFC way of life. Plus I feel better too with all the sugar and artificial stuff out of my diet.

 So I'm realizing that  if I pay special attention to what another person is doing right, and imitate what they are doing, things may go well for me too .  I hope to imitate all of you "losers" and be the ultimate copy cat!

Bye for now - "Work hard, play nice, be kind. Go to your destiny! Fear nothing! (well maybe sugar and artificial sweeteners!;)

Thought for the day:
Program yourself for success. Be willing to work for what you want!

What's exciting me today:
* Gotta go with the weather again!
*Watching my dog twitching and moving while he's asleep. What dreams he must be having!
* Realizing that I had too much going on today to have my in laws over for dinner so I didn't invite them as I   had wanted to this morning. Rather than feeling guilty ( and tired after preparing a special meal), I feel happy that I gained some time for me. I can have them over next week!
* my scale was down anothe pound this morning. Not an official weigh in, but still excited me!

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

 Hello everyone. Thanks again for all the nice comments you've left. I responded to many, so hope you saw that. I just commented on Kay's blog and quoted the saying that I posted in my title; a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  I thought of that saying today, because I often hear people saying how fast time flies, or where did the time go?  Time marches on slow and steady and before you know it many days, months and years have flown by. I often ask myself, how did I get to this weight, when did this happen? The answer is that my weight gain was like the marching on of time, a slow and steady process.It didn't happen overnight. It was a few pounds a year, over many years, that added up to lots of unwanted weight. You almost don't realize it's happening until one day the 5 pounds has turned into 10, the ten into twenty and on it goes. I suppose for some people it can be more rapid, but for me it was a slow and steady gain. A little after each pregnancy, each vacation, each holiday season.

So when the time comes and we decide we need to change our lifestyle, habits and way of eating,  why does it seem so overwhelming, so impossible and hard to handle?  Because it's like a long journey to any destination. You know it will take a lot of time to get there, you will be tired and grumpy along the way, and it will seem like it will never end. You can't really visualize the ending, all you can think about is how far you have to travel. But then you get there, and you realize it was worth it. It was worth all the inconveniences and time to get to where you wanted to be. You made it!

When I first started out on my weight loss journey, it seemed impossible that I could really succeed It seemed out of reach and too much to handle. If you knew me personally, you would know that I never give up, I usually accomplish what I set out to do, and I can be a bit tenacious ( in a good way!). This was one area, that I felt I may never succeed at. Why can't I succeed at the one thing I really want the most? I really felt a lack of confidence in my ability to lose this weight. But I saw success on the blogs that I read, and I realized that there are woman just like me, struggling with the same problem, but they took the first step, then another and kept going. Sometimes they stumbled, sometimes they fell, but they just kept going in the same direction. Little by little, slow and steady, single steps. No shortcuts, no gimmicks. They had their plan, and like the road map for a long journey, they stayed as close to the plan as possible. The weight loss didn't happen overnight ( just like the weight gain), but it happened.

So my new blogger friends, I thank you for showing me that it can be done, and if I stick to the plan, take daily steps in the right direction and lean on others for support, I'll get to my destination....one step at a time!
Bye for now. Until next time.... Work hard, play nice, be kind. Go to your destiny! Fear nothing!

Thought for the day:
There's no shortcut to anywhere worth going!

What's exciting me today:
* the beautiful weather
* hearing the birds chirping ( we have a large tree outside our bedroom window and there was a full blown concert going on this morning!)
* catching up on a few chores that I've been putting off
* my scale was down almost a pound and a half this morning!

What I ate yesterday:
B - 2 scrambled eggs with cheese and low sugar ketchup ( I know, eggs and ketchup?, it's just how I roll!), 2 slices of ezekial bread with cream cheese, coffee with Nustevia drops ( loving these), cinnamon, benefiber and almond breeze
L-whole wheat flat out brand bread, topped with tomato sauce, cheese, fresh basil
D- Dinner out at houlihans and had  grilled shrimp over arugla salad, also three bites of my sons mac and cheese and two glasses of wine
S- nuts and cheese in the afternoon, and 2 squares of dark chocolate in the evening, and if I'm to be totally honest, another glass of wine while watching a tv show with the family! (I'm an oenphile, well sort of. I love to read about wine, buy wine and drink wine.  It was a summer evening and it just called for another crisp glass of sauvignon blanc! I was weak!)

Pretty one more time!

First of all, many thanks to those who have written supportive comments. It is touching that complete strangers reach out with words of kindness and encouragement. The world is full of wonderful people, and it renewed my faith in humanity to virtually meet some of you. All of your blogs give me a glimpse into your weight loss journey and struggles. I see your triumphs too and that makes me want to succeed . So thanks for sharing, and I hope I can give something back that might help you.

 I wanted to mention a commercial I saw the other day for Jenny Craig with Carrie Fisher in it. Often I just have the TV playing in the background, not paying any attention to what's on. However, I stopped for a minute when I heard Carrie say 'thanks for letting me be pretty one more time'. I even took a moment to jot that down. It struck a chord with me.  She's lost thirty pounds and feels pretty again as she once did many years ago.

Another aha moment for me. Part of the process of gaining weight, is that with every pound you gain, I think you lose a little bit of your self. It's can be gradual, like the weight gain, and before you know it the inner you is changing. I think you lose a little self confidence & self worth with every pound you gain, and I also think you lose some physical stamina and physical attractiveness. Attractiveness is subjective of course, but many people who are overweight don't feel pretty or attractive. I don't.

Some of these feelings I attributed to getting older. I have little laugh lines and crows feet, hair that's not so soft and silky anymore, etc., etc. . Part of it I attribute to people who only look a few years younger than me, calling me Ma'am!  But a large part of the reason is because I need to lose weight. I don't feel good about myself.  I don't like the way I look in photos, or the glimpses of myself that I see while passing by a store mirror or window. When I would get dressed up for a family gathering or party I swear I looked  pretty darn good when I left. But then someone had to share their photos on Facebook, and my first thought was 'where is the old me, and who is that woman?'

I'm not saying that you can't be pretty if you are overweight.  I know that true beauty comes from within. Let's face it though, looking better, feeling better and being healthy are the real benefits of being at a normal weight.It's want I want to achieve. 

So, I want to feel pretty again one more time just like Carrie. I want to have a spring in my step and a glow on my face (even with the midlife wrinkles!) More importantly, I want to gain back some of the inner self that I have lost over the years. Self confidence, self worth, self esteem,  Maybe in the past I felt prettier because I took more time for myself, took better care of myself and sometimes put myself before everyone else. Marriage and children, work and family, all got put ahead of me over the years. Now's my time to look pretty!

One last thought, when my boys where little, I read a story of a woman who had a little saying that she said to her children as she hugged them goodbye each morning. I copied that idea and whenever they left for the morning bus, or even later as they were driving out the driveway, I would say the following "work hard, place nice, be kind, go to your destiny, fear nothing". I said that everyday, wrote that in their yearbooks, on birthday and graduation cards, and still say it when I see them. I think I will make that my sign off for this blog. It really is a  nice saying with wonderful meaning.

Goodbye for now! Work hard, play nice, be kind. Go to your destiny! Fear nothing!

Thought for the day:

"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. It comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we have learned something from yesterday"  John Wayne

What's exciting me today:

*The heatwave is gone, the air is cool and clean and a breeze is blowing. Windows are open, AC off!

* Got new contact lenses and seeing better than ever!

*My pepper plant has little peppers on it, and seeing lots of growth in my garden.

*lost a little over a pound!!! (would have been more, but there was that paella incident!)

*Master Chef is on tonight (my husband says maybe losing weight wouldn't be so hard if I stopped watching cooking shows so much! LOL! He may have a point!)

 

The answer was there all along!

Welcome to my one follower Rosalie. I am happy to have someone to share my thoughts with, but in truth I am finding that I like to journal on this blog, and would do it if no one came along. It's cathartic to get  my thoughts out and read them on this blog. I've tried journaling in the past, even getting a pretty journal and special pen. It never lasted. Tried to keep a gratitude book as Oprah suggested one day on her show. Each day write down what you are grateful for, even if it's that the day is over! Tried that too for awhile, but it never lasted. I'm seeing a lack of consistency here, and that could be the problem with my weight loss or lack of weight loss.....lack of consistenecy. If you do what you always did, you'll get what you've always gotten.

I asked Rosalie a question today, but even as I was typing, I pretty much knew the answer. Just like the paella I had at dinner Friday. I knew that wasn't the best choice for me, but I pretended it would be OK. And  like my post on covering things up, I covered up the answer in my head. I'm seeing how some of these thoughts are influencing my actions.

Thought for the day:

You've always had the power. It was there all along!

Catching up!

Today Rosalie mentioned in her blog, Healthy Me Doing the Belly Fat Cure, that not many people left comments. I realized, since I am starting to blog, that when you do have followers and they just read and move on, the lack of feedback can be disheartening.

I don't have any followers, and am just a beginner blogger, but at this point, my little blog is a way of journaling, and getting my thoughts out of my mind and onto something. Instead of paper, it's the blog. I don't have much to share other than my thoughts and opinions. I love to give those out, so this little blog is where they will go.

It's a cloudy day here in the northeast. We are lucky to have a second vacation home at the Jersey shore ( no, not that jersey shore!! No Snookie or Situation there!) but decided to stay home since the weather wasn't supposed to be too great. I really need to catch up on stuff at home. I admit that I'm a bit addicted to my computer. I love to read blogs, surf the web, facebook etc. I realize that I have to get my real work done and then I can play around. Unfortunately a lot of my work is done on the computer and it is so tempting to surf around.

So my husband and I stayed home. My youngest son went down with his friend. He's of legal age now, so I don't have to worry about underage drinking and such. Plus they can walk to some bars and it's easy to get a taxi to others. I'm sleeping alot more soundly this summer than in the past.I really worry alot. I tend to operate on the pesimistic belief that if you expect the worse you will be prepared for anything. Working on that issue!

So I am catching up on bills, work stuff and giving the clutter on my desktop a permanent home. I hate clutter and when things are cluttered, my whole self feels out of wack. I feel so much clearer in the head when my environment is organized, neat, clean and free of stuff!

I am struggling to stay on the BFC. Had paella when I went out to dinner last night at a great little tapas place. We have a few BYOB places near us, and this place has a charming little patio and wonderful small dish entrees. You can try a few and the food is great. Of course the leftover paella didn't make it past this morning, when I ate it for breakfast. Not sure how many carbs that would be, but I hate  when I eat randomly and without a plan. Get right back on program is all I can say, or my little slip will become a big slide! I think I will make that my thought for the day!

Thought for the day: 
Don't let one little slip become a slide to disaster. Start fresh immediately!

What's exciting to me today:

Paella for breakfast. OK, I know I shouldn't have eaten it, but it was good!!
No temptation to blow off my work because the weather isn't so great.
Hubby fixed the dishwasher so I didn't need a repair service call!
Caught up on laundry and all beds have fresh sheets. ( Isn't it sad how that excites me???)
Paid all the bills, filed all my paperwork. YAY!

Covering it up!

Today I got up early. Since it's supposed to be nearly 100 degrees here in the northeast, I decided to take my three dogs for a quick walk around the block before it gets too hot. Riley who is part retriever & shepherd ( I think!) hates the heat. Steve who is an Australian Cattle dog ( I think!) is around 10 years old. We got him from an island. Long story, but one I want to tell at another time. He doesn't like to walk far.  Then there is Roscoe. Some sort of pittie/terrier mix, who has an overabundance of energy. He needs to walk, or actually jog, but I'm not there yet! So I took all three on a walk around the block, dropped off Steve and Riley, and took Roscoe back out for a nice long 30 minute walk. He needed it and so did I.

 I used the jogtracker app on my Droid. Heard about this from Rosalie ( Healthy Me Doing the Belly Fat Cure). I love this app. I have to admit, the voice of the woman on the app that gives you updates scared both Roscoe and me the first time we heard it. Then I found it nice to hear how I was doing along the way. I liked hearing how far I went.

It's a funny thing when you walk or exercise. All sorts of thoughts come and go in your head. I guess that's why it's so good for you. You are kind of in a meditative state which lets you brain process many thoughts that would get swept aside in the busyness ( is this a word?)  of everyday life.

As I was walking, I realized that I my shorts didn't have pockets. It's so hot, so I didn't need a sweatshirt. That's where I keep some dog treats, poop bags, and would have put my phone. I was walking in workout shorts and a tee. Nothing to cover me up, or hide what I didn't want to show. My bulges and jiggles could be seen by all the neighbors. They might now see that I have a few lbs to lose. Could they see that before? Or did I cover myself up enough to hide it from them?

So I started thinking about how for the last several years I have been covering things up. I used to dress to make me look good when I was younger. For a special event, or even a picnic, I would shop for an outfit, a total look. Now I dress in clothes that will cover up what I don't want others to see, and what I don't want to see myself. I never have anything to wear because I buy a piece here and a piece here that don't often work together. If I find something that  makes me look good, covers up my belly, hides my expanding butt, or covers my back fat then I am successful.  Am I? Or am I fooling myself?

The funny thing is, when I see me in photos, I see all that I am trying to cover up and more. I wasn't really covering it up.  I think I look pretty darn good when I leave the house, but the photos don't match up with what I think. There comes a point when you can't cover it all up and spanx can only do so much! I realized that I am embarrased to say how much I weigh. I cover it up, deny it. I didn't even want to acknowledge it on my blog. What if someone I know sees it? Then they will know that I am overweight. All the while I am thinking that they don't know this already, because I am doing a good job of covering it up. Or am I?

So I realized, like fellow bloggers ( I like saying this, although I am nowhere near the bloggers that they are...just look at my blog!!!) Rosalie, and Amber, I have to get real. Take the cover off, uncover everything and get honest with what's under the cover ups. I have to own this weight, take responsibility for it, or I can never say goodbye to it.

So even though I am writing this only to myself due to lack of followers, I feel like I uncovered ( wow, I'm connecting the dots!) something here today. This blog is for me. It can be anything I want it to be, but like walking, it gets things out of my head, unscrambles my thoughts.

Thought for the day: What are you hiding that needs to be uncovered? What's the worse that can happen when you uncover it?

Here we go again!

Good morning to my zero readers! I am amazed at how many blogs have loyal followers. I'm not sure how it happens. I guess someone just stumbles upon your blog, likes your thoughts and decides to follow. I just spend a good hour reading Rosalie's blog that she started while doing the belly fat cure. She motivates me. Hr blog is called Healthy Me Doing the Belly Fat Cure. I so believe in the premise of this diet, but I have not followed it as I should, and have no real weight loss to speak of. I sing it's praises all the time, but feel like a fraud because I don't always practice what I preach. My husband says it's hard for people to take my advice about sugar, and diet soda, when I haven't had any real change in my weight. Ouch! That hurt, but sadly it's true.

But in an attempt to focus only on the positive, I'd like to list what I have learned so far while dabbling in the BFC this past year:

1) cutting way back on daily sugar has made my skin clearer, my moods more even and cut the cravings and binges.
2) cutting out the artifical sweeteners and diet soda make me feel that I am helping my body by not putting chemicals into it on a daily basis.
3) switicing to whole grains keeps me fuller and helps keep my digestion and elimination regular
4) eating eggs for breakfast, almost daily, keeps my full until lunch.

So today, I am starting fresh because it's a new day. What's happened in the past doesn't matter. Today is a gift and that is why it's called the present. I am going to wipe the slate clean, and really devote myself to following the plan and maybe along the way, if I ever get any followers, we can help and motivate each other.

I am going to copy Rosalie and try to list what I ate each day, as well as a positive thought. I love motivational sayings and have them all over my bulletin board. I also like to see what other people eat because it gives me ideas. So Rosalie, thanks for those ideas. All credit goes to you!

Thought for the day: You always get a second change to start right now. It's never to late to become what you might have been. Good luck to those struggling like me!

What I ate today:
breakfast - 2 pieces of ezekial toast, topped with 1/4 cp shredded cheddar cheese, 1 tbs of chis seeds, 2 poached eggs and hot sausce; coffee with stevia, cinnamon and almond milk.

lunch - a green salad with 4 oz chicken breast, 1 tbs corn, 1 tbs black beans ( actually a salsa I made, but I'm just counting the stuff with carbs), 2 tbs of ranch dressing, some cucumbers slices, 1 serving of salt and vinegar pop chips.

dinner - one la tortilla high fiber whole wheat tortilla, 4 oz chicken breast, peppers and onions, 2 tbs salsa, 1/4 cp reduced fat mexican cheese, 2 tbs sour cream, 2 glasses wine.

Snack - 1/4 cocoa roasted almonds, 1 laughing cow cheese wedge

Exercise - Didn't get to it today. I will for sure tomorrow.

What exicted me today
- my new hybrid contact lenses. I can get by at times no without reading glasses.
- getting my computer problems solved by my IT guy
-feeling good in the new shirt I bought at Ann Taylor yesterday. Nothing like a little something new to put you in a good mood.
- the summer breeze. I'm enjoying in now because heat and humidity will be here on Wednesday!

Blah, blah, blah!

Did you ever have one of those days when you just feel blah? Not blah sick, but just blah, don't feel energetic, don't feel like doing anything, can't get yourself in gear blah? Today is one of those days. It's a gorgeous, sunny, breezy, low humidity ( is that enough adjectives??) day here in the northeast. I woke with my mind spinning of lists of things I wanted to do: coffee, exercise, walk the dogs, maybe some yoga, some phone calls, catch up on paperwork. All this before noon! Well noon came and went and I did have the coffee and made one phone call. Then the blahs set in. I just can't get moving and I don't know why.

I think when this happens, and it happens to everyone, it's best to take one step in the right direction. Just get started on one thing on your to do list. So I walked the dogs, and started on the paperwork. I feel a little better, but guilty that a perfectly good day went to waste.

But wait, it's okay to just be, to not have a line of check marks on your to do list. I didn't set the world on fire, but I slowed down, smelled some roses ( literally)  and just savored a lazy day of summer. That list will still be there tomorrow, and it will be even longer.

So here's what excited me today:
- the gorgeous breezy, sunny day
- the colors and smells of my garden
- the breeze blowing the curtains
-a good conversation with my sister-in-law
-several cups of delicious coffee