Thursday, June 9, 2011

Covering it up!

Today I got up early. Since it's supposed to be nearly 100 degrees here in the northeast, I decided to take my three dogs for a quick walk around the block before it gets too hot. Riley who is part retriever & shepherd ( I think!) hates the heat. Steve who is an Australian Cattle dog ( I think!) is around 10 years old. We got him from an island. Long story, but one I want to tell at another time. He doesn't like to walk far.  Then there is Roscoe. Some sort of pittie/terrier mix, who has an overabundance of energy. He needs to walk, or actually jog, but I'm not there yet! So I took all three on a walk around the block, dropped off Steve and Riley, and took Roscoe back out for a nice long 30 minute walk. He needed it and so did I.

 I used the jogtracker app on my Droid. Heard about this from Rosalie ( Healthy Me Doing the Belly Fat Cure). I love this app. I have to admit, the voice of the woman on the app that gives you updates scared both Roscoe and me the first time we heard it. Then I found it nice to hear how I was doing along the way. I liked hearing how far I went.

It's a funny thing when you walk or exercise. All sorts of thoughts come and go in your head. I guess that's why it's so good for you. You are kind of in a meditative state which lets you brain process many thoughts that would get swept aside in the busyness ( is this a word?)  of everyday life.

As I was walking, I realized that I my shorts didn't have pockets. It's so hot, so I didn't need a sweatshirt. That's where I keep some dog treats, poop bags, and would have put my phone. I was walking in workout shorts and a tee. Nothing to cover me up, or hide what I didn't want to show. My bulges and jiggles could be seen by all the neighbors. They might now see that I have a few lbs to lose. Could they see that before? Or did I cover myself up enough to hide it from them?

So I started thinking about how for the last several years I have been covering things up. I used to dress to make me look good when I was younger. For a special event, or even a picnic, I would shop for an outfit, a total look. Now I dress in clothes that will cover up what I don't want others to see, and what I don't want to see myself. I never have anything to wear because I buy a piece here and a piece here that don't often work together. If I find something that  makes me look good, covers up my belly, hides my expanding butt, or covers my back fat then I am successful.  Am I? Or am I fooling myself?

The funny thing is, when I see me in photos, I see all that I am trying to cover up and more. I wasn't really covering it up.  I think I look pretty darn good when I leave the house, but the photos don't match up with what I think. There comes a point when you can't cover it all up and spanx can only do so much! I realized that I am embarrased to say how much I weigh. I cover it up, deny it. I didn't even want to acknowledge it on my blog. What if someone I know sees it? Then they will know that I am overweight. All the while I am thinking that they don't know this already, because I am doing a good job of covering it up. Or am I?

So I realized, like fellow bloggers ( I like saying this, although I am nowhere near the bloggers that they are...just look at my blog!!!) Rosalie, and Amber, I have to get real. Take the cover off, uncover everything and get honest with what's under the cover ups. I have to own this weight, take responsibility for it, or I can never say goodbye to it.

So even though I am writing this only to myself due to lack of followers, I feel like I uncovered ( wow, I'm connecting the dots!) something here today. This blog is for me. It can be anything I want it to be, but like walking, it gets things out of my head, unscrambles my thoughts.

Thought for the day: What are you hiding that needs to be uncovered? What's the worse that can happen when you uncover it?

1 comment:

  1. I think the first step to true weight loss is uncovering your true self - lay it all out there! Because then you have to hold yourself accountable. You *want* to be a healthy weight, and by acknowledging that you aren't a healthy weight will motivate you to become a healthy weight. And, you never know, if others see your progress, it may motivate them, too! I just read your older posts, congrats on the Pioneer Woman thing - that would be *really* fun!