Tuesday, February 14, 2012

What becomes of the broken hearted?

Happy Valentines Day to all the wonderful people who read this blog.
I hope you had a day filled with love and happiness. We are struggling a bit on this end, but I have to say, as I sit here in my own home after being gone for a few days, that I think the day had lots of love, and  some moments of happiness.

I have been at my brothers since Monday afternoon. I stayed overnight since he had a late night business dinner Monday.  It was good that I was there as my nephew was home sick today, so he needed some TLC and some extra hugs. I think I accomplished that. Plus I got to play some games from long ago, like Operation! Funny how removing the piece called the "broken heart" could make me tear up a little!
Milton Bradley Operation GameTonight my brother came home early, bearing flowers, books, and chocolates as Valentine presents for the kids and me. He's a good dad and always thinks of his family. Thanks to the wonderful generosity of a friend and neighbor, we had a wonderful dinner together. This lovely lady printed up the menu, sent a lovely dinner over, and even sent treats for the dog, from her dog, and gave us a fun Valentines Day quiz to play. All the questions were related to the day, and we had fun giving our answers, and then checking the winning answers, that she had so nicely printed out in an envelope. The winner, my niece, got to open the prize, which was a box of brownies to share with everyone.  It lightened the mood, we had some laughs and it was a much needed diversion from thoughts of what was missing from our day and our lives. We sat around the table, I lit some candles, we ate together, did the quiz, and things seemed almost normal. Almost. The firsts are going to be the hardest. This was a first. A different first, on a day that is all about love, and who is special.

When I got home tonight, I was emotionally drained. I always seem to have a good cry on the 40 minute drive home. Something about the quiet, and the darkness of the quiet car ride, bring all my emotions to a head.  My only release valve is tears. I get them out as I drive home, and then I'm good, and I feel better. It's kind of been my little drive home ritual I'm sad to say, but it helps. Tonight I came home to a lovely box of flowers that my son from New York sent me. The card said...Be My Valentine!! How sweet when your kids think of you. Another one is flying in tonight from Indiana, and my baby in Connecticut called to wish me a Happy Valentines Day. My husband and I are going to celebrate with dinner out another night, since I didn't get home until late. It was important to make this day special for the kids.

This blog of mine started out to be about eating low sugar and low carb, and how that is going and what I am doing to make this a lifestyle. Somewhere along the way, it turned into so much more. You can't always predict how things will turn out and in what direction things will go. That's true in life and in blogs. So much more has happened since I started to write. So that is what I want to share....so much more. I do have some things related to eating that I want to share, and I will do that later in the week. Stay tuned.

I will say that my eating has been a challenge with my new normal. I am treading water, but not swimming in the right direction. I don't even have the energy to be upset. I just get up each day and try to do the best I can. I know I need to plan better, as what is available to me is so different when I am not in my own house. I can't make good choices when there is no good choice to make, so I need to bring some things that I want to eat. That is the dilemma. I will work on this. It will take time, but that seems to be the saying of the minute, the hour and the days. Not just with food, but with moving forward. This will take time.....lots of time. I hope that you have a Valentines day filled with all that makes you feel loved and special. Sending hugs, and love to you all!

Thought for the day: (take from the Jimmy Ruffin song)

As I walk this land of broken dreams
I have visions of many things
But happiness is just an illusion
Filled with sadness and confusion

What becomes of the broken hearted
Who have love that's now departed
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind


  1. I heard this song on the way home from Zumba yesterday and I thought of you.
    It's a beautiful song and I hope it brings some comfort. If only we could ever understand?
    Blessings my friend. Hugs and prayers!

  2. {{{Hugs}}} All sweetness on everyone's part. I'm glad you have those car rides home to emotionally de-stress.

  3. What a blessing to know you-thank you for sharing.
    Isn't it amazing how laughter/tears and sadness/joy can be mingled in the moments of family life, all within a short period of time? I think of those dinner table visits, where we share those experiences of food and emotions...as a sacred place.
    I know you are all aching over Beth's passing...and my belief is that she misses you too.
    How dear for that neighbor to bring such a thoughtful gift. I'm grateful to live in a world where there is so much goodness.

  4. HI Pattie, It sure sounds like you had a good time with them. How great that you can do that. I know its emotional, but just imagine how much it would be if you didn't get to do this.
    I hope you have a great dinner with your husband. :-)

  5. It sounds like your brother has lots of ppl in his life that really care about him and the kids. For a long time, maybe forever, the small things will make you think of her. Hopefully it will turn from tears to smiles in time.

  6. Just checking in and once again thinking as I read your posts "This gal is an angel". Glad you got to spend time with your brother and the kids on their first V-day without Beth. The "firsts" are definitely going to be excruciating - they are so lucky to have you there to help them through all the "firsts". I think you're amazing!

  7. Thinking of you today, my friend. xoxo,Dawn