Some great blogs to follow.

Hello everyone. Just wanted to stop by and tell you about a few of the blogs that I have found through your recommendations or my own searches.. One of my favorites that Kay recommended is "Can You Stay For Dinner", www.canyoustayfordinner.com.. Great advice and recipes from someone who has lost weight and kept it off.

Another blog that I like and I get delivered to my email is "mariashealth.blogspot.com". Maria is a registered dietitician and her blog has great info and recipes. If one of you turned me onto this blog, thank you. I have so many that I try to read, and I forget who gave me the tip. Here is a post from todays blog. I found this fascinating, as we often don't realize that things like taco seasoning and other packaged seasonings can  have ingredients that may be harmful to us.

The post below is copied from www.mariahealth.blogspot.com

Here is another pantry item to throw out! To find how to properly stock a pantry, check out my Pantry List in SECRETS TO A HEALTHY METABOLISM.

Do you still have pre-packaged Taco Seasoning in your pantry? If you do, check this out!

Ingredients: Yellow Corn Flour, Salt, Maltodextrin, Paprika, Spices, Modified Corn Starch, Sugar, Garlic Powder, Citric Acid, Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Natural Flavor, Caramel Color (sulfites).

There are a few issues with using prepackaged spice mixes. First off, caramel coloring is a food dye that is in the process of being banned by the FDA due to it's links to causing cancer. Another issue is the maltodexterin...the danger is that maltodextrin is very high on the glycemic index: 105. This is 5 points higher than glucose which is 100. And, it is almost double that of sugar which is around 59. AND ingredients are listed in the order of prevalence...they don't even list a spice until the 4th ingredient! I'll stick to making a triple batch of my own mix and keeping it in my pantry!

She goes on to list a great recipe. So check it out.

Another blog that I enjoy for the dose of spirituality that I so crave, is called Finding Your Soul, by David Anderson. David is a minister and his blog is www.findingyoursoul.com. I find his posts spiritually enlightening and very thought provoking. He is the husband of chef Pam Anderson, and the father of Maggy and Sharon. They have a cooking blog called www.threemanycooks.com. This is not a low carb or sugar blog, but many of the recipes I found do fit into our way of eating.

Yesterday, I forgot to say, that on weigh in Wednesday I stayed the same in the weight. I did come up a bit from that big 7 pound loss. I knew that was a freak thing due to not eating and probably dehydration. But I'm still trending down. It is going to be tough however, because there are a ton of bad things at my brothers house. The neighbors and friends are sending cakes, cookies, scones, and snack baskets to name a few things. It's hard to resist and there was an incident with a snickers bar that I'd rather not talk about. Of course this was in my own home ( left by my son) so there is no excuse. I was weak, tired, hungry and still so very sad. I fed my emotions, and I knew it while I was doing it. It felt great going down, and I felt terrible the rest of the nigh,t and even this morning.  Lesson learned. I know better, I will do better. End of story. It's a new fresh day ahead of me.

And one last thing. If any of you are having any trouble posting on the blogs let me know if you figured it out. Sherri emailed me that she can't leave any comments on my blog, and the page goes blank when she tried. That has been happening to me on some of the blogs too. For instance I was able to post on Kay's blog this morning, no problem. However, on Rosalie's page, when I tried to click on her blog, the page went blank. I had to go to the dashboard, and then click on her blog name, and then it opened up to the current post and only then could read and comment. I tried to google this and get an answer to the problem, but came up with nothing. And if any of you know how to leave a comment when you use google reader, I would greatly appreciate it. I just can't figure it out. I l love having the posts in one spot and Amber did mention that you could comment on reader, but I can't seem to do it.

Hope you all have a great day. As always I am sending you all the biggest of hugs!

Thought for the day: Take on one change at a time, and go slowly. Implement each change consistently so that it becomes a habit. - Jake O'Callaghan

What is it you want?

It's a cold, but sunny Thursday morning here in PA. I have been fighting a nasty cold. I rarely get sick. It was inevitable with all the stress that has been going on around here lately. Everyone around me is sick or has been sick, or will be sick. We're tired, worn out, and weary from the last few weeks. The stress is manifesting itself through our bodies and has made us sick. Sleep helps, chicken soup helps, but not much else helps. We are still sad and in shock. We are carrying on each day, but it feels like we are just going through the motions. Because we are.

I am trying to catch up on all the wonderful blogs and posts that I am behind on. I  noticed that so many of you are talking about your anniversaries on the Belly Fat Cure. It made me think of when I really started. I'm not sure, but it has been a long time since I discovered the book and started this lifestyle well over a year ago. I'm down 10 pounds, and although that's an accomplishment, it pales in comparision to some of you big losers.  It took me a long, long time to get those 10 pounds off. Too long.Unlike many of you, the commitment really wasn't there when I started. I thought it was, but looking back, I can see what I did wrong. I stuck to the principles when it was convenient, cheated when I wanted, wrote down sometimes,  then forgot to do that for weeks, ate too many carbs, drank too much wine, dabbled once in awhile in a few bites of the sweet stuff. Have I wasted my time? Yes, I wasted time in reaching my goal. I'm still so far away. But also, no, I did not waste my time, because I gained knowledge, made blogger buddies, started a blog and I still have my goals in site. I gained these things. But like that one commercial about quitting smoking says...maybe all those other starts and failures were just practice for the real thing. Or something like that. All of our practices are just that, practice for the real thing. The gist of it is, no matter how many of you have started and stopped, succeeded and then failed, gave up and came back to the plan....it really doesn't matter. All that matters is what you do from here on in, from this day forward. I have the tools I need, and lots of practice to succeed. We all do. No matter what we are trying to accomplish and no matter what plan we are using to meet our goals....whatever those goals are, we can start again any minute we want too. It can take 5 months, or 5 years. It doesn't matter. Set your own pace, renew your commitments and carry on.

I follow this blog called Finding Your Soul, by David Anderson. He is the husband of the cookbook author and chef Pam Anderson. If you remember, back in July, I won a contest at the home of the Pioneer Woman and Pam was the featured chef. Yesterday in David's blog he talked about the following parable I copied below. It's true, we get back what we put out.

A man and his son were walking in the forest. Suddenly the boy trips and, feeling a sharp pain he screams, “Ahhhh!” Surprised, he hears a voice coming from the mountain, “Ahhhh!”
Filled with curiosity, he screams, “Who are you?” But the only answer he receives is “Who are you?” This makes him angry so he screams, “You are a coward!”, and the voice answers, “You are a coward!”
He looks at his father, asking, “Dad, what is going on?”
“Son,” the man replies, “pay attention.” Then he yells, “I admire you!” The voice answers, “I admire you.” The father shouts, “You are wonderful!” and the voice answers, “You are wonderful!”
Then the father explains, “People call this ECHO but truly this is LIFE. Life always gives you back what you give out. It is a mirror of your actions. If you want more love, give more love. If you want more understanding, give understanding. If you want people to be patient and respectful to you, give patience and respect. The rule of nature applies to every aspect of our lives.”

Thought for the day: When you know better, you do better - Maya Angelou

Chicken soup is good for the soul!

My soul is aching and my heart is so sad. I spent the day at Beth's yesterday. The kids were off from school and my brother was returning to work. My nephew got invited to a friends for the day, and my niece and her friend and I did some shopping, had lunch out and came home to sort out the huge stack of cards, mass cards, flowers, etc. Life has gone back to normal for everyone, except for us.

I was glad that I was there, I made some beds, did a load of laundry and tidied up. Not much needed to be done as my brother has been cleaning and tidying non stop. But with any busy family, things will start to pile up. It felt good to be busy. It just felt strange and unnatural to be in Beth's home, with her kids and her personal stuff, and she wasn't there. My niece and I had a few teary moments. I tried to tell her what I believe and that although we don't know the reason, there most surely is one. It seemed so trite of an explanation. Her world is torn apart, and I see the hurt in her tearful eyes.

Later in the afternoon, my nephew came bounding in the door. Rosy cheeks and a smile on his face. Was he disppointed to see me there and not his mom? If so, he didn't show it. But his mind had to be thinking that. I was happy that he had a fun play day, and his mind free of worry and sadness....if only for a little bit.

In my rush to get up there before rush hour traffic, I grabbed a piece of blue cheese as my breakfast, but by lunch I was hungry. I am a breakfast eater, and I should know better. But I didn't stop and think about what I needed. We went to a salad place for lunch and I ordered a nice cobb salad. Would you like white or wheat bread they asked? My usual answer is no bread, thanks. Yesterday it was, wheat please! And I ate the whole big piece. My tastes buds have changed and I was certain it wasn't 100% whole wheat, but I ate it anyway. Here comes  the stress eating. Back at the house, I sipped several cups of green tea. Mostly to ward off the sore throat I felt rapidly coming on. The body reacts to stress in so many ways. I rarely get sick, but I had to see this comng. My niece is sick, my nephew has a cold, and the stress of this horrible ordeal is manifesting in our tired, stressed bodies.

There is a cooler on the back step and miraculously a dinner appeared in it around 5 PM. A big caesar salad, a whole chocolate pound cake, bread, salad dressing and a chicken, rice casserole. A dear friend of mine had made me some chicken soup with little chicken meatballs last week.She brought it to my front door step in a lovely basket with two bottles of wine,  and some homemade parmesan cheese crackers ( don't even ask what happened to them!!). I had taken some of that to the house yesterday too.  I wasn't going to stay for dinner, but I think my brother needed the company. We lit the candles, set the table, said a prayer of thanks, and then had a meal together. I was aware that I was the odd person at the table. That it should have been Beth. But we tried to laugh and chat and act normal. Normal is going to  be restablished in their house.

 My brother looks so worn, so tired, but he puts on a strong front for his children. He's a big tall, handsome man. His hair is blond, but starting to gray ever so slightly. He has a stressful job, be he said he is going to try and be home for the kids each night for dinner. I believe him. He said nothing related to work seems important now. I believe him. While that may be true, he is their only means of support and he needs his job. He has to carry on, whether he wants to or not.

The kids weren't that into the casserole. It was cheesey, and ricey and probably had way too many carbs for me. I had a small amount. But I did enjoy a nice bowl of  chicken soup. It is a Barefoot Contessa recipe that my friend made. It does have some breadcrumbs, but I'm sure that could be modified alittle. It's really good, so I want to share the recipe with you. Ina Garten came up with a good one.  I hope she doesn't mind that I put it on this blog.I have the cookbook this recipe is in, and I have to say I wouldn't have made this or thought it would be so good. Chicken meatballs didn't actually appeal to me. I was wrong. This was warm and comforting and for a little while, we all felt better sipping that hot soup on a dark, sad night.

Thought for the day: Sometimes the answer to prayer is not that it changes life, but that it changes you. -James Dillet Freeman

Italian Wedding Soup

2008, Barefoot Contessa Back to Basics, All Rights Reserved

Prep Time:

30 min

Inactive Prep Time:

--

Cook Time:

45 min

Level:

Easy

Serves:

8 servings

Ingredients

For the meatballs:

• 3/4 pound ground chicken
• 1/2 pound chicken sausage, casings removed
• 2/3 cup fresh white bread crumbs
• 2 teaspoons minced garlic (2 cloves)
• 3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves
• 1/4 cup freshly grated Pecorino Romano
• 1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan, plus extra for serving
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 1 extra-large egg, lightly beaten
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the soup:

• 2 tablespoons good olive oil
• 1 cup minced yellow onion
• 1 cup diced carrots (3 carrots), cut into 1/4 inch pieces
• 3/4 cup diced celery (2 stalks), cut into 1/4 inch pieces
• 10 cups homemade chicken stock
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• 1 cup small pasta such as tubetini or stars
• 1/4 cup minced fresh dill
• 12 ounces baby spinach, washed and trimmed

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

For the meatballs, place the ground chicken, sausage, bread crumbs, garlic, parsley, Pecorino, Parmesan, milk, egg, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper in a bowl and combine gently with a fork. With a teaspoon, drop 1 to 1 1/4-inch meatballs onto a sheet pan lined with parchment paper. (You should have about 40 meatballs. They don't have to be perfectly round.) Bake for 30 minutes, until cooked through and lightly browned. Set aside.
In the meantime, for the soup, heat the olive oil over medium-low heat in a large heavy-bottomed soup pot. Add the onion, carrots, and celery and saute until softened, 5 to 6 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the chicken stock and wine and bring to a boil. Add the pasta to the simmering broth and cook for 6 to 8 minutes, until the pasta is tender. Add the fresh dill and then the meatballs to the soup and simmer for 1 minute. Taste for salt and pepper. Stir in the fresh spinach and cook for 1 minute, until the spinach is just wilted. Ladle into soup bowls and sprinkle each serving with extra grated Parmesan. 

An ordinary morning.

Good morning to everyone. I just want to let you all know that I am so behind in reading your blogs. I am going to catch up this week, but I am not going to leave comments on each one. I don't think my day will permit me the time to do that. But I still care very much about what is going on in your lives, how you are doing on your journey and what your thoughts are.

To all of you, please let me say that I really couldn't have gotten through this terrible time without the love and support of my family and friends, cyber and those present with me. When I would be sitting for those long hours in that hospital waiting room, I'd see a new email pop up on my phone with a message from one of you. It really touched my heart. I also thank you for allowing me to pour my feelings and thoughts out on this blog. If you read the title of my blog, it's about trying to lead a more balanced life, and also trying to follow Jorges' Belly Fat Cure. I will continue to blog about both. The next several months will still be very tough....in fact I think it will be tough for many years, as we mourn the loss and very lively presence of Beth in our lives....our everyday lives.

I woke up this morning, and as I have for the past several mornings, had a second of feeling normal  and waking up on a normal morning. Only a second. Then the reminder that she is gone came flooding back.It's not a normal morning. Not in our family. I imagine this is what my brother and her kids are feeling, only magnified about a million times, each day when they open their eyes.Their thoughts must go right to how it used to be and did this really happen?  They are praying, please God let it be a dream. Please give me back the normal morning when the smell of coffee is in the kitchen and my mom and wife is shuffling around in her slippers, reading the paper and making breakfast on a Sunday morning. I want a normal morning when I can call my sister-n-law and catch up on what's been going on. How often do we take our normal life for granted? Wishing for more excitement, more adventure, more things to fill our world? We don't appreciate normal until it has changed. Until we see the world is normal for everyone else, but so different for us.

I am wishing this Sunday for a normal morning. A morning when my brother and his kids weren't in pain, when my mom wasn't crying when I talked to her, and when I didn't miss Beth so much. I want boring, and quiet and status quo. Will it ever feel that way again? And should it? Or is that the point?  You don't know what you have, until it changes. And when it does, only then you appreciate what you had.

So I have been yearning for some sense of normal and routine. The new year is always good for that. Reevaluate what is working in your life, see where you need to make changes and plan accordingly. I have not had that luxury this year. Beth got sick on January 2. That was my day to get back in the routine of normal life after the long holiday season. It didn't happen for me or for her, or for anyone in my family.

 My life is going to be different for awhile. I am going to be driving the 25 miles each afternoon to be there when the kids get off the bus, and I will stay until my brother gets home from work, and then come home around 7. I know, and he knows, that I can't do this forever. But for now I can. They need some stabiliy, someone to help with homework and  to drive them to their activities. My mom will help, as will countless friends and neighbors. They need some sort of stability....some sort of normal to return to their little lives which have been turned upside down, and inside out. She would have done this for me, and it's the only thing I can do for her now. Help nuture and grow the children she loved so much.

So my quest to return to some sort of normalcy this morning started with breakfast. A meal I never used to skip, but in the past 10 days, never took time for, as I rushed out the door to the hospital. I had no time to bake our beloved coconut bread, so nothing to grab and go. This morning I went back to an old comforting standby, oatmeal.

I measure out 1/2 cp of regular oatmeal, add some water, a packet of truvia, a tablespoon of toasted slivered almonds ( toast lightly in a small skillet on top of the stove and then store in refridgerator), some chia seeds, and then microwave about a minute or so. I then add in a tablespoon of Josephs sugar free peanut butter, and microwave alittle longer. If it's too thick you can add some more water, or I like to add the unsweetened vanilla almond breeze. Top with a few blackberries and you have a warm and comforting way to start the day.  Hope it's a normal day for all of you!

Thought for the day: Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. -Epicurus

Where have the last 9 days gone?

Hello everyone. I am sitting here in my flannel pj's on a grey, rainy day. Did I mention it's almost 2 PM? I guess I'm having a jammy day. My eyes are tired and sore, so no contact lenses for now. I'm too tired to stay awake, but too full of emotion to fall asleep. 

Yesterday was Beth's funeral. The last post is of the holy card they gave out. Her picture was on the front and that beautiful poem was on the back. A lovely rememberance of her. The service was beautiful and so many people turned out. We were receiving visitors for over 2 1/2 hours straight. So many people who loved her, or  love and work with Ed, and even friends of mine and people from our work turned out to pay their condolences. Such a lovely tribute to her and my brother and their family.

 The sky was grey, but it did not rain. Many people mentioned the glorious full moon we had been having, even the priest in his sermon. He reminded us that even in the darkness, the sun is still shining, hence the light of the moon as the sun shines upon it. It's been a huge, bright moon, illuminating the past few nights.

 The mass was beautiful and we followed my brother up the aisle, as he carred the box with her ashes, and each of his children were at his sides, arms linked in his, as the song played "And he will raise you up on Eagles wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand." It was so beautiful, and so sad, all at the same time.

My brother insisted on having a large gathering at a restaurant after the service. I worked with them on a menu of soup, salads, wraps and sandwiches, chicken tenders and grilled cheese for the kids. The bar was open, and the restaurant was closed to only us. It was a large gathering, maybe 150 people or more.  As one person commented, it was more like a wedding reception, only no bride and groom, no cake or band. It cost my brother alot of money to do that, but he thought it was important to thank everyone for coming and to spend some time relaxing and reminiscing with people. It was so happy and so sad all at the same time.

It's so funny that people were worried about me eating. I was even brought a plate of food at one point and instructed to sit down and eat. Isn't that ironic, that my whole life I have had to try and control what I ate, and yesterday, it was reversed. People were trying to get me to eat.

Today I am giving myself a hump day to get back to normal. The last 9 days since Beth had her heart attack last Tuesday, have gone by so fast, and have been a blur of pain and sadness. A long, drawn out, emotional journey as she was taken from this earth. It has been the longest 9 days of my life, and the shortest 9 days of my life....all at the same time.

 

I have experienced only a few deaths in my life. The passing of a good friend in his early thirties,many years ago when I was in my early thirties, and also my grandparents. One death expected as he had end stage melanoma, and the others expected as they were older. This is the first time I feel I have been hit with a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere it came, slamming down on our family, changing us forever and causing a void that can never be filled.

 

I am a person of faith however, and for an unkown reason to me, God has decided it is Beth's time to come home. I do believe that God and Beth send signs that she is okay and happy. We have had a few. One person had a dream of Beth, all cozied up under blankets on the sofa, looking glowing and peaceful and uttering the words "I'm sorry" before she vanished from the dream. As if to say I had to go, and I'm sorry about that. Another person found a cross that belonged to no one in the driveway of a friend. The back of the cross had the work 'faith' inscribed on it. The morning I was driving to the hospital for the last time, I commented on the sky, filled with a rippling clouds that seemed to go for infinity. I commented that maybe heaven looked like that. At the same time my son said "mom, look at the radio" and there was a song playing called Heaven by O.A.R. and the word Heaven stood out on my dashboard screen.

 

 Lastly, I had a beautiful sight come to me this morning. I was talking to my other sister-in-law on the phone and looked out my window. I saw two large white images. They turned out to be two white deer. I have never seen anything like that before. I grabbed my camera, but shooting throught the window made the pictures turn out poorly.I never knew there were white deer, but they were beautiful creatures. Maybe sent from Beth to make me smile!

Rest in peace Beth!

Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep I am a thousand winds that blow I am the diamond glints on the snow I am the sun on the ripened grain I am the gentle shower of rain When you awaken in the morning's hush I am in the graceful rush Of quiet birds in circling flight I am the soft starlight at night I am in the flowers that bloom I am in a quiet room I am in the birds that sing I am in each lovely thing Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep Mommy, we miss you and love you to the sky..Jensen and Matthew I love you baby..Edward

The last time ever I saw your face......

Dear friends, I am sorry to keep posting sad blogs. It's where I am right now. So sad, so mad, so tired. My little nephew broke my heart today. He had circles under his eyes. He said 'Aunt Pattie, I always have bags under my eyes.' He is so quiet and sensitive. He is hurting and nothing seems to help. This is how it should be. Nothing can help when your world has been ripped apart. I told him that I would be there and Grandmom would be there, and although everything had changed, we would try to make sure nothing else changes. He will get his braces on, go to baseball practices in the spring and get picked up from school when he needs to be. I hope this brings him some comfort, although sadly, his pain is so new and raw. His older sister is being the brave girl. Trying to be involved in the planning, comforting everyone else, trying to step into her moms shoes. This will hit her after Wednesday's service. We will be there. to try and pick up the pieces.

This is my very last memory of Beth, and the very last time I saw her. It was Christmas Day at my house. Her and my future daughter in law were  cracking themselves up, trying to make some words....okay dirty words...out of little petit four Christmas cookies that someone sent. Not really obscene words but silly sayings out of the word Merry Christmas. They came up with the saying, 'Cram your ____" and the two of them laughed until they couldn't breathe. It was hilarious to watch how much fun they were having acting so silly. My very last memory of Beth, was Beth being Beth. Always funny, always smiling, always being the life of the party. I couldn't have known she would be gone just 11 days later. I'm grateful for the memory now. It was truly Beth at her best.